Wapakoneta, Ohio - In the auditorium of the Neal Armstrong Museum last night, Neo-Whig presidential candidate Chest Notgerman easily bested his opponents, Republican incumbent George W. Bush and Democrat challenger Howard Dean, in a policy debate that took the unusual format of a poetry slam.

It was clearly Notgerman's night as the Neo-Whig standard bearer was the only one of the three debaters who was able to find a rhyme for Wapakoneta ("bet'cha"). And the judges seemed to be clearly irritated at President Bush's insistence on slavishly imitating Emily Dickinson ("Because I could not stop liberals from taxing and spending, He kindly stopped for me"). Democrat Dean fared no better in the scoring with his Dr. Seuss shtick ("I am Dean. I am mean.").

The League of Women Voters, the sponsors of the presidential debates, have just announced that the next presidential debate will take place in two weeks on the campus of H. Rap Brown Community College in Passaic, New Jersey. The format of the debate will be a Platonic dialogue conducted in Pig Latin.