Dayton, Ohio - Speaking before a capacity crowd at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base today, Chest Notgerman, Neo-Whig candidate for President, denounced President George Bush's approach to the War Against Terror as "wimpish" and "not worthy of a troop of French girl scouts." Notgerman was particularly dismayed at Bush's refusal to use the "nuclear option."

"We have all of these bombers at Wright-Patterson fueled and loaded with H-bombs," said Notgerman. "And what are they doing? Sitting on the tarmac. That's just wrong. A nuclear deterrence is only as good as the willingness to employ it. And let me assure you, in a Notgerman administration the brave, God-fearing bomber pilots of the American Air Force are going to be showing the world that the United States means business."

Notgerman then outlined what he termed the "Notgerman Doctrine," which he said will be the guiding force behind the foreign policy of the first Neo-Whig Administration. Simply put, the Notgerman Doctrine advocates the use of nuclear retaliation against any country that votes against the United States in the United Nations. The doctrine also calls for periodic nuclear bombing of PITA (pain in the ass) countries (e.g., France, Germany, Turkey) to remind them of who's boss.