| Washington
D.C. - Americans, still reeling after Sammy Sosa
was ejected from a baseball game for using a corked
bat, now have another corking story to face. Doctors
at the Bethesda Naval Hospital announced that a
routine brain scan of Vice-president Dick Cheney
revealed that he was corked.
"We're
not sure why this didn't show up on previous medical
examinations. We can only speculate that possibly
this isn't the Vice-president the President has
been using, or maybe he's been recently corked,"
said Dr. Hamala who examined Cheney.
Hamala
explained that further examinations revealed that
not only was the Vice-president brain made entirely
of cork, but all his internal organs were as well.
"The Vice-president is completely corked,"
said Ramala.
President
Bush denied knowing that Cheney was corked. "I
promise the American people that I had no idea
he was corked," said Bush. "I was given
several choices for Vice-president during the
campaign, and I just picked him. I know I probably
should've checked, and for that I am deeply sorry."
The
Democratic presidential candidates were quick
to attack the President on this issue. North Carolina
Senator John Edwards at a campaign stop in Maine
said, "You have to ask yourself was the President
using a corked Vice-president when the tax cut
was passed? Maybe the entire congress was corked
when that was passed. I think it taints his presidency."
Senate
Minority Leader Tom Daschle asked for an independent
counsel to investigate how deeply the corking
goes. "Is the entire cabinet corked?"
said Daschle.
A
source inside the White House said he was "surprised
it was Cheney and not the President, himself who
had cork for brain." These feelings mirror
a recent poll by USA Today which showed 52% of
Americans believed Bush lacked brain matter, while
only 15% thought Cheney was brainless.
Bush
claims that he would've won the 2000 election
even without a corked Vice-president and Al Gore,
when contacted at his home in Tennessee declined
comment, but he did release a written statement
which read, "It appears I wasn't the only
one who was wooden on the campaign trail in 2000."
Chicago
resident and baseball fan, Aaron Henry said, "First
Sammy (Sosa) and now the President? I can't believe
it. The next thing you know they'll tell us that
Jenna Jameson was using a corked dildo all those
years."
|
