Washington D.C.—An ebullient President Bush, buoyed by the capture of Saddam Hussein, as well as economic indicators at home and high polling numbers, is contemplating not just winning the presidency of the United States, but also making a bid to be president of two other countries. Expecting a landslide at home and having a war chest of unprecedented wealth and no rival within his own party, Bush has asked Karl Rove let it be known that the presidencies of Venezuela and Denmark are also in play.

While he has yet to announce an official run in either country, President Bush has been speaking out on topics of importance in both Venezuela and Denmark.

President Bush often suggests that what Venezuela needs is huge tax cuts for its wealthy, greater exploitation of its rain forests, and an outside contractor, say, Halliburton, to take over its oilfields. When asked recently what country in the region is most important to Venezuela, Bush replied, “Syria. I think Venezuela needs to focus on the problem of Syria.”

As for Denmark, Bush prescribes a policy of massive tax cuts for the rich, greater exploitation of whatever it is that Denmark has to exploit and, said Bush, “Does Denmark have any oil? Because I know an outside contractor that could handle that. No? Windmills? Don’t they have some wildlife refuge we could drill in? What about if we drained all those dikes?”

When asked about Danish foreign policy, Bush said, “I think Denland needs to focus on the problem of Syria. Maybe Iran, but probably Syria. I just hope the problems between Denlia and Syria don’t drag the U.S. into any kind of conflict, because we’re peace-loving guys.”

Said one senior White House official, “Look, all the Democratic ducks are lining up behind Dean, and Dean is a man who tells it like it is. So he’s doomed. Of course the U.S. isn’t safer with the capture of Saddam Hussein. The man was living in a hole. What was he going to do, tunnel through the earth to blow up Manhattan? But you don’t go and say that. So Bush has the U.S. pretty well locked up. Now, winning three countries, that would be a coup.

“In the case of Venezuela, it may be a military coup.”