| (Las
Vegas)-- Surrounded by political leaders and celebrities
from around the nation, millionaire knock-off fashion
mogul Chester "Chest" Notgerman accepted
the Neo-WHIG Party presidential nomination yesterday
on the fourth and final day of the Neo-WHIG National
Convention that was held at Caesar's Palace.
Promising
to eliminate all taxes, cure the common cold,
nuke the Palestinians and ban the use of the designated
hitter in the American League, Notgerman said
the Neo-WHIG's ambitious platform is more in tune
with what Americans really want than the two traditional
political parties.
"People
are tired of the half measures of the Republicans
and the sissy socialism of the Democrats,"
said Notgerman to the enthusiastic crowd of Neo-WHIGs.
"The Constitution says we have the right
to bear arms, no ifs, ands or buts. So in my book
that means bazookas and grenades, not just assault
guns."
Promising
to campaign in all 50 states, Notgerman is to
begin his 2004 Victory Tour tomorrow with a stop
in Juneau, Alaska.
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