Neo-Whig Agenda

1. Eliminate income tax. Replace with jackass tax.

2. Mandatory death penalty for grafitti.

3. Geneva Concention does not apply to the French.

4. Owl is the symbol of the Neo-Whig Party because we're smarter than everyone else.

5. Judges and lawyers must wear white wigs at all times, even in the shower. Hey, we are the Neo-WHIG Party after all.

6. Fat chicks prohibited from wearing low-riders and belly shirts.

7. Every town with a population of over 400 must have at least one Starbucks, preferably two.

8. All flight attendants must be female, under the age of 30, unmarried and Swedish.

9. Rhode Island, Massachusetts and Vermont to lose statehood and revert to colony status.

10. Speed limits and parking meters to be prohibited by constitutional amendment.

11. "What, Me Worry?" to replace E Pluribus Unum as national motto.

12. John Wayne to replace FDR on dime.

13. Operation Self-Esteem--free breast implants for all women smaller than 40D.

14. Income tax marriage penalty to be increased. We're tired of swinging singles having to support the wasteful lifestyles of married persons with children.

15. All beer, wine and liquor containers will be required to sport labels extolling the health benefits of daily adult beverage consumption.

16. Operation Latino Outreach-- bull-fighting will be legalized in all 50 states.

17. Corporal punishment will be re-instituted in the public schools, and capital punishment where needed.

18. The State of the Union Address will be given in Latin, and U.S. senators will be required to wear togas when they are in the Senate chambers.

19. The name of the Commonwealth of Virginia will be changed to East Virginia.

20. The United States will commit itself to developing a dilithium-based warp drive engine by the year 2025.